Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
God I need to hump something, right now.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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