How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
