I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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