Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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