i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
