So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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