So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
