Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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