i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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