Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
