So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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