The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
