Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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