dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
