Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
