I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He passed out mid-signature
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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