I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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