dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
