Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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