They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
