I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
