if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
