Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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