A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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