He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
