party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
