dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
