my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
