it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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