I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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