I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
