i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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