he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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