woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
you never un-have a 4some
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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