is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
