I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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