pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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