he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
