Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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