the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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