people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We are two peas in an std pod
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
