Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize