I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
