I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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