yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
