I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
