just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
