I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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