hotel room ftw
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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