is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
