we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
