I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
