I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i drank out of a bidet.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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