he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
