Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
as a side note pls kill me
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