Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
