don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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