Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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