i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
