for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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