I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
