Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
