I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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