She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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