I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize