Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
this beer tastes like vomit already
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
