Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
