we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
