have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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