he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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