Sry I called you an 8
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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