he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
