dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Congratulations! We have a period
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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