we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sorry about my life...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
