Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
