just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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