Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize