I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
