took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
