i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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