sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
