Just mADE A PArabola og urine
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
