I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
