we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
