what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize