My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
