well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
this hospital has no fireball
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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