She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
