I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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