Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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