I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
