omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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