oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
